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you ever get one of those annoying leaky faucets?

yeah. us too.

only ours is a leaky washing machine drain. and it’s not our washing machine, it’s our upstairs neighbor’s washing machine. and it’s causing a leak in our kitchen ceiling. of dirty, sudsy water. all over….everything.

it’s totally gross.

what’s that you say, ‘that’s why we rent,’? so that we don’t have to deal with crap like this?

yeah, that’s what i thought, too.

the problem started in may. and it stopped for a while. but then it came back last week. and it will not stop. even though they fixed it. and then fixed it again.

dirty laundry water.

it’s gross. have i said that already?

many many moons ago mike and i took an undergrad philosophy class on ethics together. at some point really late in the semester we got to a section dedicated to the ethics of food consumption (or something). one of the articles on the subject within the textbook was written by peter singer, a fairly polarizing voice on many ethical issues.

i’ll never forget the day that we had our lecture on the subject. not only did the professor (an uncanny clark kent look-alike) discuss the merits and the downfalls of the points made in the article, the class ended with a video of…baby snuggles, rosebuds, and puffy clouds.

no, that’s not true. but, let’s be honest, we’ve all seen those animal-rights films (if you haven’t, don’t. or do. but don’t.). i don’t need to go into the specifics.

yowsa’s. disturbing.

suffice it to say the next day i stopped eating chicken. and all other meat*, too.

for approximately 10 years.

and then, this past thanksgiving, i took the plunge.

hours/days/weeks/months/years of constant gourmet food show watching, blog reading, foodie friend talking, had finally worn me down.

i needed bacon.

it was a six month experiment. gorging myself on anything that used to move that i could stand to chew (ewwww, chew!). and it was delicious.

hot wings. cheeseburgers. korean fried chicken. bacon. bacon. BACON.

but now the window has closed** (minus some specific exceptions that i’m going to wait to go into…save some material for later posts, don’t you think?). and it’s back to black.

or vegetarianism. or pescatarianism. or whatever it is that i am.

~~~

*well, i ate/eat fish. i can go into why, but BORING.

**i know it’s kind of crappy i didn’t talk about this earlier. ‘SIX WHOLE MONTHS OF MEAT AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME?!’ you might be thinking. well, as a vege/pesca/whatevera, i’ve actually come across a lot of opinionated people inserting comments/opinions/whatever where they don’t necessarily belong. this choice of mine to eat meat was mine to choose alone. i was afraid that i might come across folks who didn’t think i’d go back, or think that i should go back, and while i knew they would be wrong, i didn’t love the thought of explaining to people that they would be wrong, especially about something i couldn’t prove until now. it’s the kind of confrontation i’m not interested in. eh. it’s tiring.

subtitle for my grammatically correct-ers out there: ‘the mouse tween and i’

when my husband and i used to live together…ha! that’s a fun start to a story, eh?…ahem.

when my husband and i used to live together, we had a house with, dare i complain about them again?, problems. looking back, there are parts of that house that were amazing. but the rest of it was a mess.

one of the most disgusting things about the house was the seemingly endless mouse infestation. at points we were trapping between 1 to 3 mice a day for days (weeks?!) on end.

my husband began to document the experience by taking a photo of each one we caught to show the landlord that SOMETHING NEEDED TO CHANGE. i was not part of this project because, well, i don’t really need to explain why, right? but if you must know…it was gross! anywho, one day i turned on the camera, forgetting about the morbid project, and there they were: a host of photos, each one demonstrating more than the last how very effective the mouse trap was of doing it’s job.

not my point.

one evening one little mouse came out in the open in our dining room that was visible to mike and i who were sitting in our living room. being just a baby mouse, and being so incredibly super cute, mike and i agreed that we didn’t have the heart to set the trap. i’ve whipped up a quick picture to illustrate the level of cuteness i’m talking about here:

right?

so anyway. i fell, as i often do, into a ball of mush for the little animal. i felt so bad for him/her because he/she was just a baby in a big, bad, world. i then proceeded to go rummaging through our fridge to see how i could help.

the only thing i found? some gourmet organic cheese from whole foods. so i fed it to the little guy for the next several days.

then, about a week later, the same mouse re-emerges, but instead of being that same cute little baby, it had turned into a regular, somewhat awkward and ugly looking, tween mouse. and about that same time (and without my knowledge), mike had re-set the trap.

exactly one morning later the tween mouse was part of his art project.

what does all of this have to do with me today? i looked in the fridge this evening for something to eat, and all i could find was some organic gourmet cheese from whole foods.

how to summarize 2010? ah, i’ve got it:

2010, much better than 2009, but still not great.

after enjoying a wonderful new year’s eve celebration and new year’s morning with friends, mike and i sat down last night to a quiet evening, reflecting on last year, and looking to the year ahead, talking about the things in our life we are resolved to accomplish.

interestingly enough for both mike and i, last year seemed all about the bigger picture – what does it all mean for things 2, 3, 5, 10 years down the road for us? don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be thinking ahead, but it’s fairly paralyzing to the present day if that’s the only thing that you are thinking about. so instead of solely looking forward, what we vowed for 2011 is to think more of now, because life is now, it’s not a few years away. in light of all that, here’s what i’m trying to get done in the next 362-ish days left in 2011:

go to the dermatologist. i have had a draft blog post about this in queue for months now, but haven’t been brave enough actually hit ‘publish’. i’m nearly 30 and still have the skin of a pubescent teenage boy. it’s time to do something about it.

don’t wallow in self pity when things are not actually that bad. i really enjoy the blog sweet juniper!, and recently this post particularly resonated with me. what struck me was the line, “no matter what you get, remember you are the lucky ones.” it’s so true, and yet so easy to lose perspective of. it’s just kind of silly to feel bad for myself when every day of my life i: feel safe, have a great job, a wonderful family,  dog, and network of friends, plenty of wonderful food to eat, and a beautiful shelter over my head. so. things really aren’t bad. in fact, they are kind of great as a whole.

make charlie’s life better. i often stop myself from doing other things like finding a yoga class, going to the grocery store, exploring the city in general, because i feel like the time out of the house would be a disservice to charlie. but having a depressed mom at home probably does just as much good as leaving him alone all the time. so i’m aiming to strike some sort of balance to make charlie’s home and outside life better. i’m not exactly sure what i will do, but i’m going to work hard to figure it out, and then execute.

find out someTHING(S) out about myself. that i love zumba, or hate zumba. that i can meet new people and not get awkward in a conversation. that i actually…who knows?! just figure it out.

blog. about a week ago, our friend over at hellosorld, mike, and i had a chance to hang out together. while at dinner he and i made an impromptu pact with each other: to blog at least twice a week. not an unrealistic goal, to be sure. the posts don’t have to say much or be earth-shattering, the goal is just to blog. i’m truly looking forward to this, as i really love to write here. having this outside pressure/commitment will, i think, make my worries of writer’s block dissipate.

there are some other items on the list, but they are a bit more personal. suffice it to say, they’re all about how to live life now and not to wait until later to make me, my friends, and my family happy.

happy new year to you all. i hope that 2011 brings you much deserved love and joy in your lives.

______________________________________________________________

unfortunately, the first couple of days to this year comes with some sad news: i found out this morning that my grandmother passed away quietly in her sleep last night. she was a wonderful woman, with more love in her heart for her family and God than anyone else i’ve ever met. it was a treasure to have her in my life, and i can only strive to be half the person that she was. it was time for her to go, i understand that, but it doesn’t make the hole this loss has created any smaller. i love you, patty.

hm.

i’ve been contemplating, well if i’m honest, stressing out, quite a bit about what to write here – truly there’s just so much to say. we’ve had quite a jam-packed couple of months, with highs and lows, and in-betweens.

so i suppose i could go into all of the fun, not so-much-fun, and whatever else we may have gotten into the past couple of months. but really, that’s not what this blog was ever about. this blog was never about my day to day, and my life living with me in it.

this blog was really always meant to be a reflection of how i am feeling, not what i’m doing. it’s a public secret repository of how i am reacting to the life that i’m living, and if i can, injecting a funny line or seven to make myself feel better.

so. with the true intent of this blog in mind, i feel: crappy.

no, really. i have a cold.

how are you?