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10 years and some days ago: my roommate rushes into my room to tell me you’ve called her to ask her: if you asked me to go out, what does she think i would say?

10 years and days later from some days ago: you finally call, and i say yes. then, sitting on my bed, trying to play it cool on the phone, we are thinking together of a good costume for the big first date, and i look up to see a card pinned to my bulletin board which inspires an idea. the theme was ‘big trouble, little china’ and i suggest shyly: sumo wrestlers? (we only put it together years later that sumo is actually from japan)

10 years ago, early in the afternoon: in my car, on the way to wal-mart to pick up costume-making supplies, talking about our parents, you pursuing a third major, so-da, and whatever else. i’m giddy with excitement to be so close to you.

10 years ago, later that day: making costumes in my living room, there is a huge and awkward lull in conversation. somehow the strange silence makes me thankful you asked. a first and only date with you is better than no date at all.

10 years ago, tonight: i meet you there, without us getting dinner together before the dance (because you didn’t ask). i, thinking all night long how dressing as a sumo wrestler is not the way i actually prefer to dress for a first date. and we dance, and we sumo, and we win the costume contest, and then, a couple days later, you ask me out again.

10 years ago today: we start on this adventure together with no idea what the future holds. can you imagine? what a leap of faith. but we found each other, you asked, i said yes, and it stuck. i’m so glad.

meet….???

she’s our new cat! (so far, no final decision on a name.)

in an effort to give charlie more to do, we got him a pet. we’ve actually discussed getting charlie a pet for some time now, and for reasons i can’t really understand, people scoff at the way we phrase that. “you’re getting CHARLIE a pet?”

well, yes! he needs some responsibility around here.

to date, the plan has worked like clockwork. charlie follows the cat around everywhere, ensuring that she knows what is and is not allowed in the house according to the people, and most importantly, what bone is his, and certainly is not hers.

it has been an exhausting week filled with familiar faces and tear-filled cheeks.

next week, a fresh new look on the new year. but for this morning, i thought i would put some more thoughts down about my grandmother.

she was an avid writer, and up until about a year ago, she wrote daily in her journal about her day’s events. from pay stubs, to doctors visits, to meals; it was all recorded. she had an entire room in her house dedicated to the lifelong journals she kept. they are my treasure. i’ll always be able to go back and read about her, not only the times we spent together, and the grandmother i knew, but i’ll also get to know the person i was never able to meet: the girl, the newlywed, the young mother, the person.

she always got on me to start my own journal, and while over the years i have dabbled here and there, writing down my day’s thoughts in a book never really stuck. but i do blog, and it is about my life from day to day. i emailed her once to show her shinyfork when i first started blogging, and while i have no idea what the exact entry was that she read, she called me back immediately after reading it and asked, “are you OK? do you need money?”

so maybe she never “got it,” but i hope this counts as journaling to her, at least a bit.

beyond keeping her journals, she also wrote beautiful poetry. if you talk to anyone in her family, and the subject of her poetry comes up, they will immediately begin to beam, and say (with a sweet, and soothing southern drawl), “you know, she won a thousand dollars for a poem once.”

no one can remember which one won the prize, but i’m certain she’s got it written down somewhere to tell us.

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i wish i could see you tonight by dhw (AKA patty)

_

i wish i could see you tonight,

just sit here and talk for a while…

about nothing important…

the weather, perhaps…

just wish i could see your sweet smile.

~

i wish i could tell you tonight,

little cares that cause teardrops to start;

you always could cheer me,

and make seem so little,

the sorrows that bowed down my heart.

~

i wish you could know tonight,

how much i miss seeing your face

and hearing your laughter…

and talking with you…

there’s no one can take your place!

how to summarize 2010? ah, i’ve got it:

2010, much better than 2009, but still not great.

after enjoying a wonderful new year’s eve celebration and new year’s morning with friends, mike and i sat down last night to a quiet evening, reflecting on last year, and looking to the year ahead, talking about the things in our life we are resolved to accomplish.

interestingly enough for both mike and i, last year seemed all about the bigger picture – what does it all mean for things 2, 3, 5, 10 years down the road for us? don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be thinking ahead, but it’s fairly paralyzing to the present day if that’s the only thing that you are thinking about. so instead of solely looking forward, what we vowed for 2011 is to think more of now, because life is now, it’s not a few years away. in light of all that, here’s what i’m trying to get done in the next 362-ish days left in 2011:

go to the dermatologist. i have had a draft blog post about this in queue for months now, but haven’t been brave enough actually hit ‘publish’. i’m nearly 30 and still have the skin of a pubescent teenage boy. it’s time to do something about it.

don’t wallow in self pity when things are not actually that bad. i really enjoy the blog sweet juniper!, and recently this post particularly resonated with me. what struck me was the line, “no matter what you get, remember you are the lucky ones.” it’s so true, and yet so easy to lose perspective of. it’s just kind of silly to feel bad for myself when every day of my life i: feel safe, have a great job, a wonderful family,  dog, and network of friends, plenty of wonderful food to eat, and a beautiful shelter over my head. so. things really aren’t bad. in fact, they are kind of great as a whole.

make charlie’s life better. i often stop myself from doing other things like finding a yoga class, going to the grocery store, exploring the city in general, because i feel like the time out of the house would be a disservice to charlie. but having a depressed mom at home probably does just as much good as leaving him alone all the time. so i’m aiming to strike some sort of balance to make charlie’s home and outside life better. i’m not exactly sure what i will do, but i’m going to work hard to figure it out, and then execute.

find out someTHING(S) out about myself. that i love zumba, or hate zumba. that i can meet new people and not get awkward in a conversation. that i actually…who knows?! just figure it out.

blog. about a week ago, our friend over at hellosorld, mike, and i had a chance to hang out together. while at dinner he and i made an impromptu pact with each other: to blog at least twice a week. not an unrealistic goal, to be sure. the posts don’t have to say much or be earth-shattering, the goal is just to blog. i’m truly looking forward to this, as i really love to write here. having this outside pressure/commitment will, i think, make my worries of writer’s block dissipate.

there are some other items on the list, but they are a bit more personal. suffice it to say, they’re all about how to live life now and not to wait until later to make me, my friends, and my family happy.

happy new year to you all. i hope that 2011 brings you much deserved love and joy in your lives.

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unfortunately, the first couple of days to this year comes with some sad news: i found out this morning that my grandmother passed away quietly in her sleep last night. she was a wonderful woman, with more love in her heart for her family and God than anyone else i’ve ever met. it was a treasure to have her in my life, and i can only strive to be half the person that she was. it was time for her to go, i understand that, but it doesn’t make the hole this loss has created any smaller. i love you, patty.

in an effort to not offend my betrothed with yesterday’s post, i shared it with him just prior to posting to make sure he was cool with him being featured so prominently.

first, he told me he was fine with what i said about him. then we sat silently on video chat together for a minute (a lifetime in video chat terms), while i was apparently making some sort of very odd face. then he said, “i don’t understand what your face means. do you want to know what i think about your post?”

i replied, “i am trying not to care about wanting your opinion on the post.”

he then said, “i think the post is good,” then clarifying, “i think the subject of the post is good.”

people, please.