unemployment has provided me the unique opportunity to witness the lives of a different species of human.

i’m not talking about those facing the same issues as me, looking for work because of a never ending economic slump. nor am i speaking of the stay at home moms that don’t need to work because their wealth is so absurd that they don’t know what else to do in a day besides shop. no. the population i speak of is much more interesting; they are those other people that aren’t in an office during the daytime.

these people are the complete oddballs of the world. and they’re now my peeps.

so, without further ado, i would like to introduce you to this cast of characters.*

* just like in the movies, these people are fictional characters, and are made up for the purposes of providing stereotypes of the people you could find during a typical day. they are in no way the only people that you will be stuck seeing day after day if you are unemployed in a suburban university town for 5 months or more. ahem. yeah.

1. weird neighbor with the weird beard and the weird dog.

he likes to talk for inappropriately long lengths of time if he sees you on the street. he will also yell hello to you from across the street, way past the point where it’s a comfortable distance to talk to someone else. and it’s to say things like, “bath day!” gesturing towards his dog, and then, “bath day for you, too?”

2. lady with mis-matched outfit at the only open post office counter with the ziplock baggies of change.

she uses each baggie for a different purchase. buying a book of stamps, sending a package elsewhere, purchasing packaging tape. and it’s not bags of quarters. oh, there are pennies, plenty of pennies, in those bags.

3. guy in a suit with a wedding band sitting across from you at the public library trying to flirt by commenting how noisy everyone is being.

nuff said. except for ick.

4. lady with the baggies of change in the library.

she’s paying her overdue fines.

5. disgruntled deaf postal worker who chain smokes in the mail collection container.

she has two cats, and thinks your dog is nice.

so now you’ve been introduced. jealous?