i definitely recently said i wouldn’t talk about work. where i work, who i work with, etc. and this post, even though it involves an activity that i am currently required to do because of work, does honor that initial statement…technically. here’s why (don’t you just love when the defensive part of the post comes first?):

what i’m about to talk about deals with the training i am currently taking, and not at all about my job, or any of the people that i work with. truly. i promise.

now, having said that, HOLY COW. what a treat, or terrifying nightmare, this training has been so far. i just can’t decide.

so for the past two days, plus tomorrow, plus two days next week, i have been and will be surrounded by a bunch of super macho, manly men types.  that description looks so puny when it’s typed out. ok. how to explain? dig down REAL deep, and just imagine the most testosterone that you think i could ever handle, i’m talking at like at my maximum capacity here, and you are imagining my wednesday, thursday, and future of friday of this week.

naturally i assumed everyone in the room was going to hate me. look, it may sound inappropriately self-deprecating, but i’ve got a weirdo haircut, an iphone (iphone!), and i am not what anyone would ever assume as a card carrying member of the nra. it seems appropriate that this particular crowd might hate me. (and while i am actually getting along quite well with some of these folks to my great surprise, others, as anticipated, do hate me.)

so as to not add to this list of “reasons why april is not a desirable student and workmate in this particular environment,” i decided to keep my mouth shut, and not laugh out loud when listening to the FANTASTIC amount of material that was coming from these people. i’m nothing if not courteous.

but i did make sure to write it all down to share with you folks.

this first one is for mike, and for all the rest of you out there who have this particular pet peeve: the main instructor for the course says with pride, “these three days are going to literally fly by.”

a person’s last name in an example the instructor was giving was ‘mantooth.’ he he. MAN. TOOTH. that’s just silly.

says one macho to another, “do you know of any place where i can find and buy a lot of ammunition?…for personal use. i’m talking about  A LOT of ammunition. like thousands of rounds?”

the instructor tells us as a compliment, “anyone of us coming into a situation is a toolbox.” twenty minutes later, “we are all great toolboxes.” ten minutes later, “you are a toolbox.”

“shoot the big gun early.” — that one just sounds dirty.

and finally, coming from the same guy who boasts about doing some very unethical things involving  making brown people who work for him pose as terrorists at work (yeah, that shit just got wrote down), says today: “i’ve had so much sexual harassment training, i’m an expert at sexual harassment.”