i’ll start this off by saying, though this is a very work related thing, as it has to do with my work phone, it is not so work related that i can’t write about it here. which is pretty good. because i find this series of events especially hilarious.

if you know me, and you know where i work, perhaps you will find the heightened hilarity about what i am going to reveal to you right now:

my assigned work cell phone number, i am like 90-95% sure, used to belong to a call girl.

now for the folks who don’t know where i work, or really who i am, i hope you take ease in the fact that i am not, nor have ever been, nor ever plan to be, a call girl.

i have, for the past 18 months or so that i have been with my current employer, been getting bootie calls for a woman named bridget*. these calls come sporadically. sometimes once a week for a few weeks at a time, sometimes a couple of months go by until i get another call. one night i got three calls from three different numbers, three different male voices.

each conversation ends up essentially the same:

me: “hello. this is april.”

male caller: “……………uh………..yeah……….is this………….uh……….bridget?”

me: “no. bridget doesn’t have this phone number anymore. sorry.”

male caller (audibly embarrassed): “oh………..yeah………….uh…..sorry. {click}”

the calls come day or night, weekend or weekday. although as one might expect, more calls come in the middle of the night on the weekends than any other time of the week.

(weeee!!!!!!!!!!! 4am call girl calls! i love that i have to keep my phone on at night!)

so you can imagine my lack of surprise as a call came in this past thursday-day, that was not for me.

me: “hello?”

female caller**: “hi……….uh…………yeah…………..so i’m calling because i know damian***, and he was telling me, and then showing me this video”

*pause for effect*

female caller: “and the video was just so hilarious {fake, sociable laughter}, and i am with the TLC tv show about funny weddings, and we wanted to see if you would come on our show and if we could show the video?”

me: “uh………well………hmm……..i, uh……..i actually don’t know who you think you are talking to. my name’s april…..i don’t know anyone named damian……..are you trying to speak with an april?”

female caller: “oh!…….well,…..no. i’m sorry about that.”

me: “oh, it’s ok, i don’t mind. i mean, i’ll be on your tv program.”

female caller: “haha! well…..maybe next time! {click}”

yeah. probably not next time.

but you go bridget! you found someone to love, and marry you, and managed to have a hilarious wedding video of some type. all after being a call girl. wonder if they’ll put that tidbit on the tv show.

______________________

*name changed to protect the actual person’s (A.K.A. CALL GIRL’S) name.

**it’s pretty much been 9 times out of 10 where it’s been a male caller. but not always. yeah, bridget! i like the laissezfaire attitude.

***name changed because i don’t actually remember what she said.

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