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two posts a week…

not a chance in hell that goal was going to work out.

now on to more interesting topics.

since it’s officially the start of the holiday season (you can tell because beyond it being the first week in november, and the fact that there were christmas ornaments in stores weeks before halloween (i mean, really?!), it iced/snowed here last weekend. not cool, weather. NOT. COOL.), i thought i would talk a little about something mike and i have decided to do this year.

every year, we donate to one, two, or a few non-profit organizations. typically these organizations have been the more widely known agencies such as heifer international and habitat for humanity. these organizations are great, and among others, i think they’re very worthy of receiving donation dollars.

but we’re finding more and more lately that we have friends who are starting up, or working for other non-profits accomplishing great things both domestically and across the globe.

in short, our friends rock.

since we are now fortunate enough to be able to support their efforts not just emotionally but also monetarily, that’s what we’ve decided to do starting this year. from here on out, we are going to donate exclusively to those organizations our friends are working so hard to grow, nourish, and see flourish.

if you’re interested and able to donate this year, as well, i highly encourage it. you’ll never be sitting on the couch watching dancing with the stars thinking. ‘shit. i should have bought that latte instead of that goat for that family in western africa yesterday.’ i mean, maybe you will, but if you think you are that type of person, go ahead and close this browser window. i don’t want you reading my blog.

so feel free to research and donate to the organizations you think are doing good things, be it the larger ones, or the ones your own friends and family are busting ass to develop for little/no monetary gain in return. and, if you’re interested in checking out some of the great stuff our friends are accomplishing, here are a few exciting organizations to check out:

foundation communities: www.foundcom.org

research institute for compassionate economics (rice): www.riceinstitute.org

water missions international: www.watermissions.org

also, if you’d like to comment with your own suggestions for other great organizations where folks can donate, go on right ahead with your bad self. my 12 readers promise to click on at least a couple of the links.

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many many moons ago mike and i took an undergrad philosophy class on ethics together. at some point really late in the semester we got to a section dedicated to the ethics of food consumption (or something). one of the articles on the subject within the textbook was written by peter singer, a fairly polarizing voice on many ethical issues.

i’ll never forget the day that we had our lecture on the subject. not only did the professor (an uncanny clark kent look-alike) discuss the merits and the downfalls of the points made in the article, the class ended with a video of…baby snuggles, rosebuds, and puffy clouds.

no, that’s not true. but, let’s be honest, we’ve all seen those animal-rights films (if you haven’t, don’t. or do. but don’t.). i don’t need to go into the specifics.

yowsa’s. disturbing.

suffice it to say the next day i stopped eating chicken. and all other meat*, too.

for approximately 10 years.

and then, this past thanksgiving, i took the plunge.

hours/days/weeks/months/years of constant gourmet food show watching, blog reading, foodie friend talking, had finally worn me down.

i needed bacon.

it was a six month experiment. gorging myself on anything that used to move that i could stand to chew (ewwww, chew!). and it was delicious.

hot wings. cheeseburgers. korean fried chicken. bacon. bacon. BACON.

but now the window has closed** (minus some specific exceptions that i’m going to wait to go into…save some material for later posts, don’t you think?). and it’s back to black.

or vegetarianism. or pescatarianism. or whatever it is that i am.

~~~

*well, i ate/eat fish. i can go into why, but BORING.

**i know it’s kind of crappy i didn’t talk about this earlier. ‘SIX WHOLE MONTHS OF MEAT AND YOU DIDN’T EVEN TELL ME?!’ you might be thinking. well, as a vege/pesca/whatevera, i’ve actually come across a lot of opinionated people inserting comments/opinions/whatever where they don’t necessarily belong. this choice of mine to eat meat was mine to choose alone. i was afraid that i might come across folks who didn’t think i’d go back, or think that i should go back, and while i knew they would be wrong, i didn’t love the thought of explaining to people that they would be wrong, especially about something i couldn’t prove until now. it’s the kind of confrontation i’m not interested in. eh. it’s tiring.

i’ll start this off by saying, though this is a very work related thing, as it has to do with my work phone, it is not so work related that i can’t write about it here. which is pretty good. because i find this series of events especially hilarious.

if you know me, and you know where i work, perhaps you will find the heightened hilarity about what i am going to reveal to you right now:

my assigned work cell phone number, i am like 90-95% sure, used to belong to a call girl.

now for the folks who don’t know where i work, or really who i am, i hope you take ease in the fact that i am not, nor have ever been, nor ever plan to be, a call girl.

i have, for the past 18 months or so that i have been with my current employer, been getting bootie calls for a woman named bridget*. these calls come sporadically. sometimes once a week for a few weeks at a time, sometimes a couple of months go by until i get another call. one night i got three calls from three different numbers, three different male voices.

each conversation ends up essentially the same:

me: “hello. this is april.”

male caller: “……………uh………..yeah……….is this………….uh……….bridget?”

me: “no. bridget doesn’t have this phone number anymore. sorry.”

male caller (audibly embarrassed): “oh………..yeah………….uh…..sorry. {click}”

the calls come day or night, weekend or weekday. although as one might expect, more calls come in the middle of the night on the weekends than any other time of the week.

(weeee!!!!!!!!!!! 4am call girl calls! i love that i have to keep my phone on at night!)

so you can imagine my lack of surprise as a call came in this past thursday-day, that was not for me.

me: “hello?”

female caller**: “hi……….uh…………yeah…………..so i’m calling because i know damian***, and he was telling me, and then showing me this video”

*pause for effect*

female caller: “and the video was just so hilarious {fake, sociable laughter}, and i am with the TLC tv show about funny weddings, and we wanted to see if you would come on our show and if we could show the video?”

me: “uh………well………hmm……..i, uh……..i actually don’t know who you think you are talking to. my name’s april…..i don’t know anyone named damian……..are you trying to speak with an april?”

female caller: “oh!…….well,…..no. i’m sorry about that.”

me: “oh, it’s ok, i don’t mind. i mean, i’ll be on your tv program.”

female caller: “haha! well…..maybe next time! {click}”

yeah. probably not next time.

but you go bridget! you found someone to love, and marry you, and managed to have a hilarious wedding video of some type. all after being a call girl. wonder if they’ll put that tidbit on the tv show.

______________________

*name changed to protect the actual person’s (A.K.A. CALL GIRL’S) name.

**it’s pretty much been 9 times out of 10 where it’s been a male caller. but not always. yeah, bridget! i like the laissezfaire attitude.

***name changed because i don’t actually remember what she said.

have you ever been walking down the street and think to yourself, “this bag of dog poop i’m holding weighs more than your dog”?

i’m not really one to advertise. i don’t wear t-shirts that support any school or team (minus my alien green roswell (georgia) baseball t-shirt, which i love for obvious reasons), and i don’t even really like wearing clothing or accessories where you can tell who designed them. beauty in the unknown. or something.

this post is not an advertisement; it’s just a plain ole story.*

i consistantly want chinese food when we are deciding what to eat for dinner. mike never does. i think it probably has something to do with the fact that i am always craving fried foods and butter, and mike is always craving…exercise.

so i was flabbergasted when mike said ‘yes’ to my (not at all shocking) suggestion for chinese food for dinner recently. while we have a place in the neighborhood we’ve gone to in the past, we weren’t really interested in eating in the restaurant that night, and didn’t know for sure if we could order food there to pick-up.

living in this great modern age that we do, i brilliantly decide to look “on-line,” as the kids say (heh. kids.), to see what their website tells us. i go to my favorite search engine, type in ‘Han Dynasty Philadelphia,’ and the results pop up, as results are prone to do. the first link shown is to the restaurant’s website. perfect!

i look at the link, and take a double-take. wait. that couldn’t be right. why would that be the link? that is SO weird. and inappropriate. and a little…gross??

no. wait. that’s right. is it right?

http://www.handynasty.net

handy. nasty. dot. net.

woah.

i can only imagine what the same site ending in .com looks like. you can go ahead and look, but i’m going to sit it out over here. you know, to protect my virgin eyes.

*hm, well now that i’ve brought them up specifically, you should know that the food at han dynasty is DELICIOUS. so if you ever get the urge, i totally support your decision to dine there…and to eat the dan dan noodles. not nasty at all.