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how to summarize 2010? ah, i’ve got it:
2010, much better than 2009, but still not great.
after enjoying a wonderful new year’s eve celebration and new year’s morning with friends, mike and i sat down last night to a quiet evening, reflecting on last year, and looking to the year ahead, talking about the things in our life we are resolved to accomplish.
interestingly enough for both mike and i, last year seemed all about the bigger picture – what does it all mean for things 2, 3, 5, 10 years down the road for us? don’t get me wrong, it’s good to be thinking ahead, but it’s fairly paralyzing to the present day if that’s the only thing that you are thinking about. so instead of solely looking forward, what we vowed for 2011 is to think more of now, because life is now, it’s not a few years away. in light of all that, here’s what i’m trying to get done in the next 362-ish days left in 2011:
go to the dermatologist. i have had a draft blog post about this in queue for months now, but haven’t been brave enough actually hit ‘publish’. i’m nearly 30 and still have the skin of a pubescent teenage boy. it’s time to do something about it.
don’t wallow in self pity when things are not actually that bad. i really enjoy the blog sweet juniper!, and recently this post particularly resonated with me. what struck me was the line, “no matter what you get, remember you are the lucky ones.” it’s so true, and yet so easy to lose perspective of. it’s just kind of silly to feel bad for myself when every day of my life i: feel safe, have a great job, a wonderful family, dog, and network of friends, plenty of wonderful food to eat, and a beautiful shelter over my head. so. things really aren’t bad. in fact, they are kind of great as a whole.
make charlie’s life better. i often stop myself from doing other things like finding a yoga class, going to the grocery store, exploring the city in general, because i feel like the time out of the house would be a disservice to charlie. but having a depressed mom at home probably does just as much good as leaving him alone all the time. so i’m aiming to strike some sort of balance to make charlie’s home and outside life better. i’m not exactly sure what i will do, but i’m going to work hard to figure it out, and then execute.
find out someTHING(S) out about myself. that i love zumba, or hate zumba. that i can meet new people and not get awkward in a conversation. that i actually…who knows?! just figure it out.
blog. about a week ago, our friend over at hellosorld, mike, and i had a chance to hang out together. while at dinner he and i made an impromptu pact with each other: to blog at least twice a week. not an unrealistic goal, to be sure. the posts don’t have to say much or be earth-shattering, the goal is just to blog. i’m truly looking forward to this, as i really love to write here. having this outside pressure/commitment will, i think, make my worries of writer’s block dissipate.
there are some other items on the list, but they are a bit more personal. suffice it to say, they’re all about how to live life now and not to wait until later to make me, my friends, and my family happy.
happy new year to you all. i hope that 2011 brings you much deserved love and joy in your lives.
unfortunately, the first couple of days to this year comes with some sad news: i found out this morning that my grandmother passed away quietly in her sleep last night. she was a wonderful woman, with more love in her heart for her family and God than anyone else i’ve ever met. it was a treasure to have her in my life, and i can only strive to be half the person that she was. it was time for her to go, i understand that, but it doesn’t make the hole this loss has created any smaller. i love you, patty.
as i am reflecting on this past year, it’s hard to say emphatically one way or the other if it’s been a good one or not. so, as people are apt to do when trying to establish if “good” or “not-so-good” wins, i’ve compiled a pro v. con list.
and, because i do not occasionally or consistently write in a journal where such lists are prone to go, and because i do occasionally but not consistently write here, i will commence in boring you with said list. i’m sure it’s not complete, but it is what my 28-year-old-for-one-more-day-brain could conjure up tonight.
first let’s get the not so great stuff out of the way:
- mike and i only spend the weekends living together now
- some of our closest friends moved waaaaaay over to china (have you seen this or this?)
- i have started living more like a bachelor than i believe even bachelors do, with at times, nothing more than three cold beers, some butter, and moldy leftovers in my fridge (yikes. big step admitting that here)
- i am living alone (minus charlie. hi charlie!) for the first time in my life, and i find myself floundering at times with what to do with this fact
and now the upsides to the 28th year of my being:
- i have a job that i love
- we live in a great loft apartment in the middle of a city…and not in new jersey anymore
- i (/sometimes we) have been able to visit friends and family all over the country several times, and some of them have even come to visit us
- charlie lives with me, and has taken quite nicely to pooping on cobblestone
- i am starting to make new, and develop existing friendships in this new phase of life
after a lot of sitting and thinking time here by myself in my fancy new apartment, i still have no idea which side wins the blue ribbon. but i will say this: the year hasn’t been uninteresting.
well, only one more hour to go (unless you’re my mom, hi mom!, who counts my birthday by the hour and minute of day i was born) with this age.
here’s to 29. and to elbows. and to people who will only get that reference if they went to band camp with me my senior year of high school.
and i know what you’re wondering; yes band was cool at my school.
i need a hobby.
no. i need several hobbies.
cleaning will not be one of them.
i was talking with one of our good friends (and my roommate for the past 6 months) recently who said that if you put all of your effort into writing one type of thing, be it creative or not, then writing another thing can just go to pot.
i see. so i’m blogging brain dead because i have a job now that keeps me busy. that seems less than fair.
so to catch you up in very crude terms, we’ve moved. please send your letters to…our new house.
in extremely laborious terms, we’ve moved, and then again, and nearly again. and mike and i don’t live with each other anymore, except for sometimes, and except for in the future. and we’re still very married and happy. and it’s a good thing…it’s a, good thing?
you may recall that around october i stopped conversing on this here contraption. i started a job, where all i did was commute and work. and while that didn’t mesh well for blog-life, it worked even less well for life-life. i would wake up at 5:20 every morning (oh. my. god.) get showere-d, coffee-d, and have my tired understanding husband drive me to the train station 25 minutes away to get to the 7:16 train where i would then get to the city, and take the subway, and arrive at my final destination at 8:30AM.
yada…work til 5, then train back and get back to my house (by way of my sleep deprived husband) by 7-ish at night. then eat dinner, then….pass out. by month 2 i was so tired. we were. so. tired.
but don’t worry. the job came with a residency requirement. so here i go, pack my bags, find a house, and move “part time” down to philadelphia. land of wonder and needles.
it was all so fast, i barely had time to brush my teeth.
and then my life hit me (sucker punch, the bastard). i was sad. i didn’t live with my husband! or my dog! my life flipped upside-down! other scary things i don’t want to talk about were happening!
when it came time for me to decide to either stay in the apartment i was sharing and find two new roommates, or to find a new place, i knew what i wanted. i just couldn’t handle it anymore. i needed MY THINGS. i needed MY LIFE.
so i consulted with begged mike to see things my way. he is busy and pre-occupied with school, i have nothing beyond the 9 to 5 here. please let me have our stuff! and our dog! PLEASE.
it is more than likely that that description is a bit of an exaggeration, but since that’s what my memory is letting me recall right now, it’s fact.
(wouldn’t it be interesting if all history was that way?)
and mike…agreed. bless his heart. and then i went on a trip to california for nine days. and set up appointments for him to apartment shop for us (/me). and he found a place that he loved, and he took it. that was two months ago. and i didn’t see the place in person until 2 days before we moved in. which was last week.
but i love it. i LOVE it.
life’s looking some sort of direction now. towards up. it may not be totally up, but it’s towards up.
and here is my view tonight.
and this one, too.
it’s hard to know what to write about!
california cousin time (plus mom and aunt and uncle time) has been a breath of fresh air. and, as a bonus, i get to play with this face. every day.
turns out babies are adorable. who knew?!
there are more good times ahead of us for this trip, but for now: THE NEWS.
wait for it…
I. Got. A. Job.
i got a job.
oh my god. what a relief.
because i’m in southern california right now, and there are so many cute little toes, and cool grown up relatives, the job offer is taking its time to set in. it just feels surreal, and i’ve caught myself forgetting and then re-remembering that i got a job. A JOB. A WHOLE JOB!!!!
♫ job, job, job ♫
my unemployment hiatus is on hiatus. i hope for forever. but even if it’s not for forever, and we find ourselves in this situation again, it’s good to know that we can survive. and even be happy. for now though, it’s feels good knowing that it’s over.
now sit back, relax, and enjoy some toes.